Claire* has been struggling with her brilliant and sensitive son Ramon* for years. At 16 years old he has been developing strong social anxiety and refuses to leave the house. He used to be very athletic and outgoing, now he barely swims one lap once a week. Sitting for hours to play video games until after midnight has been causing sleep deprivation and fatigue during the day. 

Claire* feels desperate, facing strong communication barriers and lots of arguing and screaming instead. She is highly educated and knows that the current situation can spiral out of control quickly: “I am at the end of my rope!” 

Does that mean the end of communication between these 2 people that love each other deep in their hearts? They might be too upset to follow well-intended advice and proven concepts. The Child Mind Institute has some excellent articles to describe listening, building trust, and validating their feelings. What if you would forget those in the heat of an argument or meltdown? 

After a few parent coaching sessions of exploring options and building trust I fired her as a parent and invited her immediately to accept a promotion to being a parent-coach: Listening to every word and even to unspoken feelings, observing every detail of Ramon’s* behavior as a body language crying for help.

“I am afraid that I will lose connection with Ramon if I change my perspective so drastically”. A few days later she realized: “I feel such relief and had a profound insight: My son and I were friends and I treated him almost like an adult; he is simply not mature enough to be my friend. I could only see that as a parent-coach from the sidelines, watching him on the playing field.”

Only with this clear understanding it makes sense to listen deeper, build more trust or model behavior we want to see in our children: Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.

We invite parents to acquire professional coaching skills and combine them with intentional PLAY - the fastest and most reliable way to build trust and respect. Play is the first language we speak - internationally. Play is our first domain of learning through experience. What if we use it with intentionality to go beyond the limits of talking?

Coaching bridges the gap between information and action; add play to that mix and you create people who love to learn and be engaged in their family again.

Otto Siegel, MCC, M.Ed., Owner of Genius Coaching in Scottsdale